"Just because nobody can prove Avril Lavigne is a zombie, neither can anyone prove she is not."
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We take pleasure in answering thus prominently the communication
below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its
faithful author is numbered among the friends of The BBC:
"I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends
say there is no Zombie.
Papa says, 'If you see it in The BBC website or even on a page that looks very
similar to the BBC website, it's
so.' Please tell me the truth, is there a Zombie?"
- Chadginia O'Derdowski
Chadginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by
the skepticism of a sceptical age. They do not believe except what
they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible
by their little minds. All minds, Chadginia, whether they be men's or
children's, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere
insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world
about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the
whole of truth and knowledge.
Yes, Chadginia, there is a Zombie
Zombies exist as certainly as incontinence and cannibalism and gaping
head wounds exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life
its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if
there were no Zombies! It would be as dreary as if there were no
Chadginias. There would be no childlike brain-eating then, no
limb-severing, no decapitations to make tolerable this existence. We
should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external
light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.
Not believe in Zombies! You might as well not believe in Werewolf
Sharks. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the
graveyards on your street to catch Zombies, but even if you did not
see Zombies coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Zombies,
but that is no sign that there is no Zombie. The most real things in
the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you
ever see Jeffrey Combs looming over your bed with a glowing green
syringe in his hand while you sleep at night? Of course not, but that's
no proof that he is not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the
wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.
You tear apart the baby's abdomen and see what entrails squish inside,
but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest
man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever
lived could tear apart. Only flesh-eating, cartoons, serial masturbation,
LSD, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal
beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Chadginia, in all this
world there is nothing else real and abiding.
No Zombies? Thank Romero they live and live forever. A thousand years
from now, Chadginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, you will
continue to walk the earth as a shambling, decaying horror in search
of brains to consume.
Cheerio, mate!!
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